Against Monogamy applied to College Life

While reading Bersani’s essay "Against Monogamy", I found that I was able to apply parts of what she was discussing to the environment that I have in the last couple months become very familiar with: college life. In one part of her essay, Bersani describes how present day civilization only permits relationships “on the basis of a solitary, indissoluble bond between one man and one woman.” Relationships that are not monogamous and based on sexuality as a source of pleasure are not acceptable in modern time, and are only tolerated because so far there is “no substitute for it as a means of propagating the human race.” This idea of the social acceptance of monogamous relationships versus open relationships permeates through the college society. Before coming to college, there seems to be the idea that partying and having sexual relationships with multiple people is socially acceptable. However, after living in the college setting for about two months now, I have found that this is not always the case. After witnessing individuals involve themselves in multiple sexual relationships, it can be seen that there is a social stigma associated with these individuals, and it often depends on their sex. Whereas females who involve themselves in various sexual relations are looked down upon, males are often glorified, but usually only by their fellow male associates. In any case, these individuals that are involved in multiple sexual relations are often seen as desperate and trashy; they are not as socially acceptable as individuals may first believe before entering college life. Thus, the idea presented in Bersani’s essay that monogamous relationships are more acceptable than those based on sexual desire seems to exist within college life.

However, this desire to indulge in multiple relations is also explained in Bersani’s essay, and can be related to the college setting as well. Monogamy is described as “inconceivable except as something that blocks circuits of desires.” In this sense, monogamy contradicts an individual’s natural tendency to have more than just one desire as it “disciplines the orgies of childhood.” Thus, the desire of college students to participate in multiple relationships is psychoanalytically justified. This becomes interesting as the students’ desires are reasonably justified, yet they are still seen as socially unacceptable. Open relationships and excessive sexual relations are explained by an individual’s natural tendency to have multiple desires, but students are still looked down upon for their various indulgences; monogamous relationships are the ones that are seen as acceptable and are highly respected. Thus, the topics within Bersani’s essay prove to be very complex and provide powerful insight on the social stigmas associated with students in the college setting.