Lipstick -Not- Lesbian (Close But Nice Try Though)

Interestingly enough, upon reading both Sedwick's and Lee's essays I almost instantaneously had a thought about someone I knew through high school. We were friends and hung out within a circle of people that were always open and almost completely unabashed about themselves and their lifestyles. So, when it came up in conversation how a "bottom" gay man understood his own masculinity, he jumped right in to dispel the ignorance. He stated that although he may act in a flamboyant manner and take on characteristics which are often affiliated with being "feminine", at the end of the day he's still a man and both attaches himself deeply to and takes great pride in his own masculinity. At the time I thought it was a great answer because it rebuked the constriction placed on gay men (actually, really anyone for that manner) by stereotyping and emphasized the security he feels in his own being. But I think now, after reading both essays although I do give my friend very much credit, I feel as though his answer may do more harm than good.

Both essays stress the concept of men acting outside of what their expected behavior as a male is being indicative or symptomatic of being homosexual. Though there are obviously many faults with this concept already, what I thought was intriguing is the way that both essays insinuate that there is therefore a rightful manner for men or women to act in. It totally removed the reality of homosexuality from the actual sex act and redefined it in terms of a lifestyle choice or way of existence. I feel as though my friend perhaps unknowingly did this too, disregarding the fact that there is a correlation in being a male that is penetrated to women in that they both generally share the experience of being penetrated. By placing character traits and habits into the conversation, I feel as though you only work to perpetuate the gender stereotyping which a man like my friend clearly desires to escape. If one could only wear lipstick and love manhwa girls and just be Joon or whoever they may be instead of falling suddenly into a new realm of what they are as a person, perhaps the world would never have to know "How to Bring Your Kids Up Gay."

-Jheanelle G.